Who Are “Safe People?”

Dr. John Townsend

March 9, 2018

Simply put, a safe person is someone who influences you to be the person you were designed to be. It’s just that simple. It’s a person in your life who influences you. They encourage you.

Safe people are the engine that helps influence and structure the person you were designed to BE. Not the person you are NOW. I hope I’m safe for some people and I’ve got safe people around me.

Let me give you just a brief list of the nutrients that people provide for us. They accept us. They don’t judge us. They know, even with our flaws and our failings and our fears, that they’re okay with us and we’re okay with them. Safe people give us the truth. Sometimes they give us hard feedback. Safe people give us the tough talk we need sometimes.

On the other hand, the wrong kinds of people can really help you make the worst decisions.

When you meet certain people, do you feel like you need a nap afterward? I want my people in my life after I’ve been around them, to feel energized like, “Okay, I’m a better person. They have influenced me and I’ve influenced them to be the person we were designed to be.”

When you’re around people that bring you down, you don’t feel like yourself anymore or like you’ve fallen backward. You want to always be moving forward.

Here’s the problem: sometimes we don’t know how to pick. Sometimes, we pick the wrong people. Some of us have a little neon sign on our forehead that says, “Hi, 1-800-use-me.” We don’t pick people. Instead, people pick us because we’re useful, helpful, loving, and all that.

I want to help you change that.

 

Related Articles

Craig Kautsch “True Grit” podcast

Ever wonder what the meaning of emotional intelligence really is? My next guest is Dr. John Townsend has written over 30 books on the topic. He has sold over 10 million copies, including the New York Times bestselling Boundaries series. John is a nationally-known...

read more
Vulnerability: Absolutely Risky. And Absolutely Necessary

Vulnerability: Absolutely Risky. And Absolutely Necessary

You and I need people in our lives who care deeply about us, who are safe, and who want our best. We want them to  “be there” with us, to encourage us when we are discouraged, to give us insight on what’s going on, and to call us to the right action steps to make life...

read more
NYT: How to Set Pandemic Boundaries for Relatives

NYT: How to Set Pandemic Boundaries for Relatives

Dr. Townsend had the privilege of being interviewed for this informative and timely article by the New York Times. Article Excerpt: Be a conduit, not a lifeline ... "When you feel overwhelmed, Dr. Townsend recommends that you create a list of all of your...

read more